Questing

So last night I spent 2 hours in a bakery in the Hauptbahnhof waiting for my bus. And I questioned why I'd left 'home' so early, and why I was then in a bakery, alone, with a book and my diary. With prayer and faith and hoping I'd one day be able to tell people that it's no kick to hang around somewhere for a while, I stayed on. Because I had no choice anyway.

I wondered so many times today, even as I trudged around the city with 10kg my back, aching shoulders, raw ankles, numb feet, trying to find places and getting lost, what on earth the point of it all was. Was I enjoying myself? Is this fun? Is it informative? In what way is this stretching me as a person apart from teaching me not to give up?

I mean, at least in books when they go on journeys they have quests and stuff, like slay the dragon, or find the silver key, but why am I doing this to myself? The next three weeks stretches out before my like a yawning chasm and all I want to do is go home. What is my quest? To find my quest? Huh! A snort of self-derision there. What's the point of it all? Sure, there's no adventure without hard(ish) times, but if it's all hard(ish) times and no reward once in a while, what am I really achieving.

The above was written last night, and of course in the cold sober light of morning, everything is different. I think last night's tired wanderings have a little bit more of an air of adventure to it now. I mean, I'm still feeling it in my back and I'm not so keen on getting my feet to the state at which they were yesterday, but I'm willing to at least try it again for another day.

That's something about the human race. We forget some things and remember others, and sometimes that makes us do stupid things all over again, haha.

We still don't have concrete plans for ghent and bruges, I'm just gonna wash my hair while I wait for E to wake up. Then we can decide whether to base ourselves here in Brussels or to move somewhere else.

I think for now the key to enjoyment of the beautiful places of Europe is just to plan properly and take it easy. Don't push yourself too hard, and try not to get too lost especially if you've got ten kg on your back.

Bis Dann